Saturday, April 12, 2014

84 Words

I believe there is a force, a power in the universe that has to do with love.  That power has something to do with us, it is present in us and around us and between us.  Somehow, it is for us. It becomes tangible in our caring for others and in fleeting moments of perceived connection to something larger, grander and deeper than our day to day experience.  Our attempts at community, contemplation and reflection can open us to a sense of its presence.  

I have hesitated to write because the landscape in front of me seems so new and so broad that I really have not been sure where to begin.  What does seem clear is that the faith statement I stumbled on a few weeks ago is changing my understanding of Jesus, this faith of ours, the church, and maybe most significantly for me, of belief itself.  In the days since I first wrote them I have painted those words, counted them, printed and posted them on the door of my office and on the wall across from my desk.  I have looked for something to edit in them, but have so far, not wanted to change a word.  They arrived composed, as if they had been forming out of sight in a process going on beneath the surface for some time.  I have hesitated to write also because these words seemed to have caused a shift within me, in my attitude toward some of those ideas I have pushed against for so long.  I’m still unwrapping that part of this experience, but I’ll share what I am thinking so far.

Being able to name what I believe seems to have taken the edge off of my need to push back against ideas in the tradition I have found troublesome.  I’ve had to think about that for a while.  Maybe you have known someone who not only has trouble with Christianity and its doctrines, but seems to have a good bit of emotional energy around their critique of the church.  I meet such people fairly often, and I have, at times, been one of those people.  I have had them come up to me after weddings and tell me how they “got over” the church.  I meet people who claim to want nothing to do with religion but who still seem to have an angry edge about the religion they claim to have dismissed.  It seems to offend some idea or standard they have decided to choose instead of religion.  I often like such people and feel like I know them.  Part of my problem with so many of Christianity’s words and doctrines has been that they seem opposed to some deeper belief that I felt but until now, had never named.  I think I have pushed back against problem ideas at times because I was trying to preserve a space where that underlying, grounding sort of belief could come into focus.  Now, having named that deeper belief, I hope I will be able to let down my guard a bit.  

As I look at the tradition I follow and serve in the context of this newly stated belief, I find connections I want to pursue and ponder.  If you ask me who is Jesus for me today, I can answer easily that he is the one in whose company I have come to believe that there is a force, a power in the universe that has to do with love.  ……..  When I celebrate the Eucharist and when I reach out my hands to take bread and wine, I think of the power that becomes tangible in fleeting moments of perceived connection to something larger, grander and deeper than our day to day experience.   I am reading my way through the gospels for the first time in a long time, and I hear Jesus saying the power that has to do with love has come near and that our attempts at community, contemplation and reflection can open us to a sense of its presence.  

Today I am listening to the tradition and to my heart, which I have come to trust and appreciate, in a new way.  As I head into Holy Week, I will be attentive to what resonates deeply.  That, I will embrace and celebrate.  The rest, I hope I can leave behind.  I wish I could offer that approach as a prescription in advance to all those who will be in church next Sunday against their better judgement, quite possibly because they love somebody who really wants to be there.  I will be truly glad to see them.  I like the company.  JB